Being a kind person is a crucial quality to have to maintain productive, healthy, and long-term relationships.
However, there is a fine line between kindness and pleasing. When you are pleasing, you will tend not to have many personal boundaries.
From the outside, this makes you appear weaker to others and is a habit that may well impede your success in the long term.
Pleasing comes from fear and is typically accompanied by a lack of confidence.
You will be a pushover if you fear people will dislike you if you do not do everything they ask of you, you fear you will be seen as overbearing, domineering, or disagreeable.
You are a pleaser if you constantly say yes when you want to say no.
Most pleasers have learnt to live through placating others, and in doing so, they set themselves up to be treated without respect.
In life and in business, you cannot be taken as seriously without a little kick to your personality.
Expect To Be Respected
Envision what it would be like to be treated with respect. You must first respect yourself before you expect other people to treat you the same way.
Self-love, self-respect, and self-awareness all begin with self. It truly all begins with you. These character traits can only be developed by you.
You must expose yourself to conflict and challenging situations to get used to standing for what you believe in, in spite of any challenges.
As you expose yourself to this over and over again, you will develop the emotional strength to respect yourself. Then in turn, others will respect you and take you seriously.
Express Your Emotions
Emotions, especially anger, are healthy emotions. It is what warns you that potential danger is near and activates you to protect yourself and others.
Anger is natural, it is a forward-moving emotion and allows you to express yourself by being firm and direct.
If you are frustrated or disagree with someone or something, learn to speak up and express what you are thinking and feeling about a situation.
In life you can not always just get what you want unless you speak up for yourself and say what you want.
You should never let anyone, any deal or any customer take advantage of you simply because you do not want to lose something or someone. Learn to use your anger to set limits, which is its intended purpose.
Anger and rage are two very different emotions (see also ‘How To Stop Being So Sensitive‘), the type of anger that will bring you the success you are aiming for is the type that can allow you to still speak with some class, gratitude and a statement of deliberate direction.
Speak Your Mind
Your opinions are just as important as you choose to make them.
If you decide to cower away in a situation because you are afraid that someone will reject your opinion, then there is no way for anyone to know your preferences.
Do not just look for agreement and simply state the popular opinion. If you do not agree with it then voice it, simply state what is correct for you and live that fully.
In business and also life your opinions are the expression of who you are, what you think, and how you feel.
If you cannot express this part of yourself there will be no real path to success aside from riding on the coattails of others.
Happiness is the byproduct of achieving great things so you need to learn to express your opinions and see that they can have a large and positive influence on the directions you wish to take.
Just Say No
Saying no can be difficult but always remember that you do not have to participate in anything that you do not want to.
The things you say no to determine the things you like and dislike, and in turn makes you clearer as a person to those around you.
When you set limits, you let people know where they stop and you start. If people do not know these boundaries, then you will be seen as a pushover.
Many people will feel guilty when saying no because they feel they are letting somebody down.
If someone is let down because of a healthy and productive decision that you are required to make then it is their issue to deal with and not your responsibility (see also ‘How To Help Someone With Abandonment Issues‘).
Saying no is seen as a statement of clarity and power. It can set the stage for creating the path for your success.
Trust that you know what is right and wrong as you make your journey through life.
If you cannot say no, then you hang onto excess baggage and slow the speed of you achieving your desired results.
Do Not Settle For Less
What you want and need must be your driving force, you should be unwilling to compromise yourself.
If decisions make your life better at the inconvenience of others then it is not your problem, the only way to get what you want in life is to say it.
You cannot get all the resources you need in the pursuit of success and happiness if you are too scared to speak up.
Most people who are pleasing will always feel guilty when asking for what they want. This attitude stops success and stifles happiness.
So if you see yourself as a burden then you will be treated as such by others.
Have the courage to ask for what you want, make sure you ask over and over. Make it clear via your body language, tone, commitment and eye contact when asserting your needs.
Be fearless even if you are ‘faking it until you make it’ as they say.
Doing this will soon become a natural part of your personality and will directly lead to you getting what you want in life much quicker and easier than you ever could have expected.