December 2

How To Heal Abandonment Issues


If you are struggling with abandonment issues, it can be difficult to move past them. Instead, why don’t you take some of our advice on how you can relieve your symptoms?

These feelings can help you feel more stable and connected to the people around you.

Take Responsibility For Your Own Healing

Even though someone else hurt you, that doesn’t mean you have to leave your healing up to someone else. Instead, you should take the time to focus on your own healing.

Only you can take the next step to recovery, and not anyone else. If you take accountability for your own healing, you will find that it will allow you to focus on your self-care.

Take Solace In Structure

A structure can help you find more stability in your life. It’s better to have a sense of structure than to live chaotically. Instead, you should think of your own schedule.

With your schedule, you can focus not only on your work but on your hobbies too. If you put time aside to do your hobby, you may find that the stress will walk away.

The structure will allow you to take more time for yourself without falling into the pitfall of choosing comfort with work.

Validate Your Own Feelings

Your feelings are valid. You may find that as you get older, you’ll find more experiences that have related to your issues.

While some people may say to move on, you should know that these were situations that impacted you.

If you don’t validate yourself, you’ll be trying to get everyone else to validate your own feelings, and you’ll find that you’ll be put in a never-ending cycle of emotional issues (see also our article on sensitivity).

Good friends will also help validate your feelings, but they shouldn’t be the only ones who do so (see also ‘How To Be Your Own Best Friend‘). That should be your role.

Focus On The Present And Let The Past Stay In The Past

You might find that some days make you want to linger in the past. Even if you want to focus on earlier days, that can bring all the disappointment back.

Instead, you should focus on the present. Slow down and take the time to appreciate everything around you.

Doing so, you’ll find that your future will improve because you can focus on how you can get to that point.

Dwelling on the past can easily make you want to go back to the way things were, but it’s better to see where you are now instead.

Change Your Pain Into A Possibility

Change Your Pain Into A Possibility

Have you considered that when you’re struggling with pain, you can turn it into something constructive? One great way to do this is through the arts.

You might know how to distract yourself with music or even with writing. Maybe you’re not sure how to put your thoughts into words, but with art instead.

Use your passions and utilize them to stop your pain from festering and let it all out.

Even if you’re not interested in the arts, you can always turn it into something else, like sports. If you don’t want to be alone, do something constructive to ensure the pain stays away (see also ‘How To Live On Your Own‘).

Counter The Way You Feel With Facts

Emotions are naturally overwhelming, but you can try to reason these issues away. Instead of getting lost in your feelings, you should consider the facts.

You may believe that something you’ve done is your fault, but that’s not true. Instead, consider how old you were when these issues began.

If you were a child, there was nothing you could have done. Instead, it was the other party’s decision, especially if it was a parent.

Bring yourself back when you’re feeling overwhelmed and focus on the facts of what happened and where.

Identify Your Vulnerabilities

Everyone has days when they feel lost or upset. In some cases, you might be uncertain whether it’s because of the present or the past (see also ‘How To Stop Living In The Past‘).

Identify what it is that’s making you vulnerable and take the time to see why. You might need some extra support or even some space to grieve.

Identify your vulnerabilities to find out what is bothering you about your issues and why.

Don’t Repress Your Emotions

Some people think it’s better to repress negative emotions and only focus on the good. But that’s a sign of emotional neglect.

If you shut down your experiences, it means that you’re rushing the process to see if you can hurry.

While you might think that this is a challenge, it’s better to challenge yourself by embracing the emotions you don’t want.

Whether it’s because you’re scared to ask someone out in case they say no, or maybe you’re scared of applying for a new job because you might get rejected.

Repressing your emotions can be just as damaging as succumbing to them.

Get Help To Heal

Do you find that you struggle to get help? While getting therapy is one step in the right direction, you might struggle to let people in if you have abandonment issues (see also ‘How To Help Someone With Abandonment Issues‘).

Getting help means you need to peel away your armor and let someone else acknowledge your pain. Of course, that’s not to say that therapy isn’t an option.

Therapy can help you work past your abandonment issues and help your current relationships thrive (see also ‘Does Therapy Work For Everyone?‘). If you get help to heal, you’ll find that your relationships will improve for the better.

Embrace Change

If what you were doing before wasn’t helping your abandonment issues, you should embrace change.

Making changes can mean that you’re letting go of the issues that you struggle with. As you move on, you’ll find that it’s better to let go of the ones who hurt you and focus on the present and future.

Final Thoughts

Healing takes time, and abandonment issues are lodged into your brain after years of struggling. But that doesn’t mean your issues need to take over your life.

If you’re struggling, get the help you need and move on from everything that’s been holding you back.


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